she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
