HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
