Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish you could order shots online.
you win again, gameday.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
