Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
