I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
