Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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