You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
