how can u be prego again
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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