Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I cannot find my penis.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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