she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
