worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
