My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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