so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
