Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
