Will you blow on my dice?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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