I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I want her autograph on my taint
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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