I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
