I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
