Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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