why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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