absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
