I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
