Cold hands, warm shart.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
