At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
