when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Did I show you my penis last night?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
