u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
