peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
