he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
