there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
