with your own penis?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
