If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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