I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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