i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
