its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
