I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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