i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
