Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize