I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My vagina is very pro this idea
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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