hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
