alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
