I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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