whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize