You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
