Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
