Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
