What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
