it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
cat food counts as protein by the way
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
