My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
