I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
