I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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