I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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