The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
