He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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