he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
