Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
