you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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