Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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