Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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