I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
