You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
