guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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