i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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