sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
