By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
