You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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