I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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