Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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