and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
