Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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